I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
