my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
