If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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