my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
