It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
