just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
