So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
