the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm really busy with my period
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