So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
