Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
