the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
