I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
