im drinking this country out of the recession.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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