I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
