I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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