so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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