I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
