absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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