I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
