im drinking this country out of the recession.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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