fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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