ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
