so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
