The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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