Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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