It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
