how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
