im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
