Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
