This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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