He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
