It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
