Michael Bay diarrhea
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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