Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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