I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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