Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
