it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A bitchslap is in order.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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