Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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