another moral hangover. fuck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
