dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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