I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
