i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
