gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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