i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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