So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
