the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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