Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
