I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i will never coherently bang her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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