operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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