I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
