Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
cat food counts as protein by the way
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
