Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
PANTIES FOUND
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