Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
