So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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