my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
