we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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