Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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