im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
