so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
