look no pants
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
