Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
