She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
