genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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