You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
